Ghosts
by Twisted Puppy
Summary: Grissom suffers a major depression because of Sara. Will he come out of it? Major character deaths. GSR! Kleenex definitely needed for a few chapters. Please review! I love them. I wrote this like a year ago.
1. Chapter 1

Ghosts

**Ghosts**

(9-24-07)

Sara Sidle sat in the passenger seat of the Denali on her way to a crime scene with her boss Gil Grissom. She tried to look passive, but inside she was anxious and kept sending quick glances to her phone. A sudden painful muscle cramp claimed her leg. Her spontaneous movement to massage it caused Grissom to look at her.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine; just a muscle cramp." He noticed she never once looked at him and also was applying significant pressure to her thigh. He glanced over at her a few more times but never noticed the solitary tear escape her eye from the sheer amount of pain she was in. He pulled up at the scene a few minutes later.


	2. Chapter 2

Grissom found that for the first time since he has met her, Sara was not putting all of her focus into her work. After the fifth time of gathering evidence she'd missed he spoke.

"Sara, are you alright?"

"I'm fine." He hated when she said that.

"You're missing evidence." Grissom observed.

"Sorry, I'm a little distracted. I will try a little harder." Sara answered.

"What's bothering you? Do I need to send you home?" He asked.

"I'm just waiting for an important phone call. I'm sorry." She replied.

"Is your leg still bothering you?"

"A little. It will be fine." She turned to her work again and never noticed he stood there to observe her for a few minutes. He was worried about her and made a mental note to keep an eye on her. She was behaving very much out of character. He would analyze her behavior later because there was no need for both of them to be distracted.

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It was an hour before the end of shift when they returned. Shortly after they logged their evidence, Sara's phone rang.

"Sidle."

"_Hello Sara, this is Dr. Kay."_ Sara slightly paled and walked out of the room. Grissom heard her ask the caller to call her back in two minutes. He was sorely tempted to follow her, but decided to respect her privacy instead.

Sara found an empty lab and shut the door for some privacy as the phone rang again.

"Sidle."

"_Sara, I have your test results in and was wondering if you could come in."_

"It didn't work did it?"

"_I'm sorry. There is one…."_

"No more. That was the deal." She interrupted him and reminded him at the same time.

"_You need to make an appointment so we can discuss home care. You will continue to get weaker and now without the aid of medication, it will progress much faster."_

"I can come in around noon. How long do I have?"

"_If you're really lucky; six weeks. I really am sorry."_ The doctor told her solemnly.

"Thank you. Goodbye." Sara hung up the phone and resisted the urge to cry. She took a minute to compose herself and come up with a plan of departure. She found Grissom in the break room filling a cup of coffee. He looked up when she entered.

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"Is it safe to assume that was the important phone call you have been waiting for?" They both knew she could hear the genuine concern in his voice.

"Yes."

"Is everything ok?"

"No. Can we talk in your office?" She asked. He nodded and began walking to the door. Sara preceded him for the entire distance. Mental alarm bells were ringing in Grissom's mind telling him something was definitely wrong. Her posture screamed that she is troubled. He closed the door behind him as she sat tensely in a chair. He then chose the chair next to her instead of the one behind his desk.

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"What's wrong?" He started knowing she wouldn't.

"I need time off immediately."

"How long and why?" He gave her a curious look when asking this question.

"I'm not sure how long. … Someone I know was told she only has a few weeks to live. … She has cancer and needs help to put her affairs in order. I'm the only one she trusts." He knew she was fighting to maintain her composure.

"Of course. Let's fill out the paperwork and then you can leave right away." He stood to retrieve the correct form.

"Thank you." Sara muttered quietly and quickly filled out the form.

"If there is anything else you need; please call me."

"Thanks Grissom."

"Keep me updated and I will need twenty four hours notice before you come back to work. I put two months on this form, if you need more, let me know."

"Thank you." Sara stood to leave and went to clean out her locker. The last thing she did before leaving for the day was to place a message in Conrad Ecklie's mailbox asking for him to call her. She made it home only to collapse on the bed; sobbing.


	3. Chapter 3

Conrad Ecklie arrived at work and picked up his mail. After setting his things down in his office, he began to look at the mail. He opened the first note surprised to see it was from Sara Sidle. He read it three times before calling her as she requested.

"_Sidle."_

"It's Ecklie. I got your note. What do you need?"

"_I need to talk to you in private. Can you meet me somewhere?"_

"What is this about?"

"_I can't tell you over the phone. Can we meet somewhere away form the lab?"_

"How about the library? We can use one of the study rooms for privacy."

"_Perfect. Grissom should have dropped off a leave of absence form for me. Would you bring that with you?"_

"Yes. I will get that and head right over."

"_Thank you. I'm on my way." _He hung up and was intensely curious about what was so important. He searched the rest of the mail and was surprised that Grissom actually turned something in without prodding. He collected what he needed and stopped by the reception desk.

"I will be at an offsite meeting and do not wish to be disturbed. I don't anticipate being gone for that long.

"Yes sir." Ecklie never heard her as he strutted out the door.

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Sara was pacing in front of the library keeping an eye out for Ecklie. Her penetrating gaze found him walking towards her. She was pleased the see that he had a file folder in his hand just as she did.

"Hello Sara."

"Hi. Thank you for meeting me."

"You're welcome. Let's get a study room and talk." He motioned with his hand for her to lead the way.

"I already have one. Let's go." Sara told him as she led the way to the quiet room and took a seat. Ecklie closed the door and sat across from her.

"What can I do for you?"

"I need you to rip up that leave of absence and instead accept my resignation." Ecklie paused in mid action of opening the folder. Although he didn't think much of her as a person, she was an excellent investigator.

"May I ask why?"

"I have your complete confidence? You won't tell anyone?"

"One thing first; why are you coming to me instead of Grissom?" Sara looked away for a moment before facing Ecklie again.

"He will try to help me or stop me. Either way his feelings will get in the way. You will be able to remain impartial."

"Ok. You have my cooperation."

"I need to resign because I have cancer. It's very aggressive and I only have a few weeks left to live." Sara stopped there to let the news set in. Ecklie's face was a mixture of shock and disbelief. She waited while he organized the questions she knew were coming.

"How long have you had cancer?"

"A few years. It's pretty aggressive and I have hid the pain well."

"I agree. You haven't taken any sick time that I know of."

"That was a perk of being on the nightshift. My doctors saw me during the day and I never missed work."

"Well, you are a great criminalist and we will miss you."

"Thank you. Nobody knows and I don't want them to. I don't want pity and I don't want anyone to treat me differently." Sara took another moment to sign her resignation and hand it to him. He took it and ripped up the leave of absence form as well.

"I have a lot of sick time on the books. Can it be split up amongst the team?"

"I will make sure it happens."

"Nothing until after I … it happens."

"Of course." Sara had another question and Ecklie could see it on her face. He waited in awkward silence for her to find the right words.

"How are you going to tell Grissom that he needs to find a permanent replacement?"

"I don't know. Do you have any suggestions?" He asked quietly. This morbid discussion was unnerving to him and he was sure his body language was subtly telling her he was uncomfortable. At least now it made sense why she didn't want to meet with him at the lab.

"I think I will just have to tell him. I don't know that I can do it face to face though."

"Why?"

"I love him. I don't want to see his reaction. I know he has feelings for me too; though he has never acted on them. This will crush him. He's my best friend and I can't tell him too soon and make him suffer with me." Sara was rambling and she knew it.

"Is there anything else I can do for you in the meantime?"

"No; I will think of what to tell Grissom and call you when I'm ready."

"That sounds fine. Have you turned in your gun and badge and phone?"

"The gun is in my locker. The other things I will return to you shortly. I think I'm going to write a short letter to Grissom. When I drop it off, I will give the badge and phone to you as well."

"Sounds good. Let me know if there is anything else I can do for you." Sara smiled and held her hand out. Ecklie shook it and returned her sad smile. They parted ways. Both were lost in thought as they continued about their day. Ecklie barely noticed anyone until he entered the building.

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A/N: I love that I've had so many responses to this story so far and it's barely begun. First, I want to thank everyone for thier review and honest opinions. they mean a lot. Second, I do promise that there will be a happy ending for all of the charaters involved. It may be hard to read, but please stick with it. Sara will die and I know it's common knowledge now, but there are also a few more twists and turns. Please keep sending reviews. Although the story is complete, I can still make changes before I post.


	4. Chapter 4

(Ecklie is returning to the lab after meeting with Sara)

"Is Cavallo here?"

"Yes sir. I will tell him you are here."

"Thank you." Ecklie waited for the approval to enter the office. After what felt like twenty minutes, which in reality was only two, the office door opened.

"Conrad, what can I do for you?"

"Can we speak in private? It's important."

"Sure. Melissa, hold my calls please." He didn't wait for a response and shut the door.

"Alright, talk to me." Ecklie cleared his throat.

"In the near future, we will need to seek a replacement for Sara Sidle."

"Why?"

"She turned in her resignation today. No one knows and she doesn't want anyone to become aware of this. Grissom thinks she is on a leave of absence."

"What's wrong? This is pretty sudden."

"She is losing a battle with cancer. She only has a few weeks to live according to her doctor." The man's face paled and filed with sorrow.

"How in the world was she able to conceal this?"

"She told me it was a perk of working the nightshift and then she ignored the pain."

"She is a very strong woman."

"She is. I told her I would divide her weeks of leave between the team. She knows that she has to tell Grissom and will be writing a letter. When she does that, I will have her badge and phone. Her gun is in her locker. I have her resignation, but we just can't process it yet."

"Alright, I'll get the job posting ready for when we need it. Until then, I will talk to Grissom to see if he will need a temporary replacement."

"I'll talk to him. He doesn't know the truth yet." Cavallo nodded and the two men stood up. Ecklie left his office and walked down by Grissom's figuring that the man would be working overtime as usual. He was right and knocked as he entered.

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"Hey Gil, I got the form for Sidle. Should I get a temp for you until she returns?" Grissom sat back in his chair.

"I suppose that would be best. She doesn't know how long se will be gone. I told her that if she needs more time than to just let me know."

"What did she tell you as the reason for the emergency leave?" Conrad was curious and feeling bad for the blow his colleague would be getting.

"She told me that someone she knows has a few weeks left to live because of an aggressive cancer. Sara needed to help put her affairs in order." Conrad nodded.

"I will put out a temporary job posting and hopefully you will have fresh blood in here soon."

"Thank you." Conrad left and sent the email to Cavallo for a temp position.

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Across town, Sara entered her doctor's office and was seen immediately. There was a strange woman sitting there. Dr. Kay stood to greet her.

"Sara, I'm glad you could come so soon."

"Thank you. As you pointed out, I don't have time to waste. I still have a few more errands to run today." Dr. Kay saw her sidelong glance to the other woman in the room.

"Sara, I would like to introduce you to Josie. She will be your home care nurse."

"Hello." Sara shook hands with the other woman. She was a little older and had a very kind look about her.

"Josie will need a set of keys to your home so she can check on you. As you get weaker, she will spend more time there."

"Ok. What should I expect to happen?"

"You will notice that you get tired easier. Your muscles will have longer response times and also tire easily. Soon, you will be bedridden because your legs will give out first and then your arms. You will most likely lose the ability to speak. Are you sure you don't want any pain medication?"

"I'm sure." She turned to her new nurse.

"Josie, I will be out for most of the day, but feel free to come by tomorrow and I will give you keys and we can work out a schedule of visits."

"That sounds good. I will get your address and phone number from your file. I am also a physical therapist, so we will work to keep you active as long as you want to." Sara smiled and stood. She then thanked the two people in the room and left. Her next stop is her lawyer's office.

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"My name is Sara Sidle. I need to speak with John Perry to update and finalize my will."

"I will call him. Have a seat Miss Sidle." Sara had been sitting for a minute when John emerged.

"Sara, good to see you; come on in." Sara was glad that she had a good rapport with John. Up until this morning, he had been the only one to know about the cancer.

"How are you?"

"As well as can be expected. The last tests didn't work. I only have a few weeks left."

"So, why are you here? Go get wasted or something." He teased and she smiled. John knew that she knew how he felt and he also knew that she didn't want pity.

"Ready to sign it?"

"Yes. Everything goes to Gil Grissom. I want to be cremated. Gil gets my urn to do with as he pleases. I will have things set aside and marked for specific people. I know that Grissom will respect that and execute my wishes. So, let me just read it to dot the "i's" and cross the "t's"." John handed over the document and waited while Sara read through it. She finally signed it. She looked at him and smiled.

"Thank you for all of your help and efficiency."

"You are most definitely welcome. I'm going to miss you."

"Me too." Sara shook his hand once more and left the office. Her next stop was the bank. There, she added Grissom to her accounts and made sure he would not have any access until he brought her death certificate. She took some papers that he needed to sign and brought them home. Her final stop of the day was Target to buy stationary and boxes. When she got home, she was exhausted but pushed through it to get her tasks done. She packed a box for Warrick first and then sat down to write him a letter. This tired her out, so she took a nap that lasted until the next morning. The ringing doorbell is actually what woke her. She stumbled to the door and found Grissom on the other side getting ready to use the spare key she gave him years ago.


	5. Chapter 5

"Grissom, what are you doing here?"

"You left so suddenly that I thought you might need someone to take in your mail for you while you're gone. I'm glad I caught you before you left."

"Oh, that won't be necessary. I have already put my mail on hold at the post office. That was sweet of you to offer though." She noticed that he was taking in her appearance.

"Did you sleep in your clothes?"

"Yes. I was so busy yesterday running around that my intended nap lasted eight hours." She tried to smooth out the wrinkles in her clothes. Sara heard her phone ringing in the background.

"Excuse me." Sara left him standing in the doorway and on her way, grabbed up an envelope. He watched her take the envelope and phone in her room and close the door. He waited patiently on the couch wondering what was in the box near the counter. She reemerged a few minutes later.

"Sorry about that."

"It's alright. Am I keeping you from something?"

"Not at the moment, but I will kick you out pretty soon. I have a few more errands to run before I leave."

"Do you want me to put anything in your car or are you flying?"

"That's sweet, but I haven't actually haven't finished packing everything I need to. Would you like some coffee or tea?"

"Whatever you're having is fine. …. Sara, I… you know I don't … talk to people well."

"That's a load of bull if I ever heard one. Spit it out Grissom."

"I can't explain it, but something feels off."

"When did this start?"

"A few days ago and its only gotten worse."

"What do you think it is?"

"You."

"Me?" Sara handed him a cup of tea.

"Yes."

"What about me?"

"It almost feels like you're not telling me the whole story."

"I'm not. I told you what you need to know. I don't feel comfortable sharing the whole story with you right now. Can you be ok with what I have told you?"

"I suppose I have no choice. You know you can confide in me, right?"

"I do and I have on several occasions. This just isn't one of those times yet. I promise to tell you everything when the time is right."

"I can live with that. Thank you for the tea."

"You're welcome, and now I don't mean to be rude, but I'm kicking you out."

"Is there anything I can help you with?"

"No, I need to do it alone, but thank you for the offer. Go home and get some sleep." Sara walked him to the door. He turned on her at the last second.

"Promise me you will call if you need me for anything?"

"I promise. Bye Grissom."

"Bye Sara." Sara watched him walk away and then closed the door before the last tear could escape. She stopped quickly because she didn't have time to cry and set back to work on a box for Nick and then his letter. Josie knocked on the door just as she finished.

"Who is it?"

"Josie."

"Come in."

"Thank you. I hope you don't mind me bringing an overnight bag with me so soon."

"Not at all. You can go ahead and move in if you want to if you help me clean up the spare bedroom. I have a feeling I won't make it to six weeks anyway."

"Have you prepared your will?"

"I signed it yesterday. I have also gone to the bank to alert them and added Grissom's name. When he learns of this, he will need to sign these and take them to the bank." Josie nodded and watched where Sara set the documents down. Sara showed her around and the two women began to get to know one another. Josie made Sara lunch and forced her to sit down and eat it.

"You need your strength. Eat." Sara looked around at all of the things she still needed to pack for her friends and nodded. After lunch, Josie took Sara's keys to make a copy then went to the store for more food. She needed to start working on the second bedroom. When she returned, Sara was writing a letter for Catherine at her desk.

"I'm glad to see you resting."

"Just taking a break. I have a box here for each person in my life that I hold dear. Grissom will make sure they get delivered." Sara taped Catherine's envelope on her box.

"You're very organized. Most people don't even know which way is up."

"I don't have the time to waste. I already noticed how tired I can get. It makes me angry because I used to stay up for triple shifts and still barely sleep. Now, … I can't do that anymore." Sara said quietly. Josie put her arm around Sara.

"That's why I'm here. We'll finish everything that you need to do."

"Soon, I will turn off the phone and stop the mail. Grissom will take care of my utilities and I won't have any debt after this month. I need to pack Greg's box." Sara suddenly stood and then sat back down again with a slight dizzy spell.

"You are done for today. Let me work on your legs for a bit. Go strip your pants and lay on the bed. We will be doing these short exercises three times a day." Sara nodded and did as she was told. Josie rubbed and stretched her muscles for a good thirty minutes. Sara moaned.

"You're hired. That feels good." Josie smiled.

"That means I'm doing my job. Lay back and relax." Sara dozed off a little while Josie worked her arms and fingers. She woke Sara with dinner.

"You're trying to get me fat. I never eat this much in a day."

"You are still burning calories. Trust me, you need it."

"You didn't give me the impression of a drill sergeant when I met you yesterday."

"That's my trick. I wait until you let me move in first." Both women chuckled and ate the dinner Josie made. Sara fell asleep soon after and Josie covered her in a blanket.


	6. Chapter 6

A new routine had been established and Sara continued to make progress on her packing even with Josie's interruptions for food or therapy. Ten days later, Sara finally had everyone's box packed and the corresponding letters written except for one. She still needed to write to Grissom. She collected stationary and a pen before turning to Josie.

"When is my next interruption?" She knew Josie wouldn't be offended by the question.

"You need to eat soon. Therapy won't be until just before bed."

"I need to be alone for a while. Can dinner be later if I eat a snack now?"

"Yes. I will bring you a fruit plate and a smoothie."

"Thank you. This letter is the most difficult one to write."

"I understand. I will be right back." Sara slowly turned to her room. She waited until Josie left and closed the door before starting.

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Sara had been in her room for over two hours when she emerged. It was clear that she had been crying as well. Without asking, Josie cleaned up the plate Sara used for her snack and then started on dinner. Sara picked up the phone.

"Ecklie speaking."

"Hello, this is Sara. I would like to meet with you. Can you come to my place?"

"_I'm on my way. You aren't too tired, are you?"_

"No, I'm good for a bit. I will see you soon." Both parties hung up and Sara placed one of the two envelopes on her desk and held on to the other. Josie watched Sara slowly make her way to the couch and sit down. There was a knock at the door just as Josie served Sara hr dinner. She motioned for Sara to stay put.

"Hello, can I help you?"

"My name is Conrad Ecklie. I'm here to see Sara Sidle. She is expecting me." Josie opened the door and let the man in after visually confirming with Sara. Ecklie was shocked at how much she had changed in ten days. She was quite pale and looked very weak. She offered a small smile.

"Hi. Thank you for coming. I would have come to you, but my muscle control is fading faster than I thought it would. Have a seat." Ecklie sat and Josie stepped up.

"Sara, I am going to take a bath and when I come out, it will be time for therapy."

"Ok. Thank you and this is very good." Josie nodded and left. Sara turned to her guest.

"She's a good cook and gives great massages."

"I'm glad to see she's taking great care of you."

"She's been great. I don't have to do a thing around here; she doesn't let me. Not that I can do much anyway." Ecklie watched her lower her mouth to meet the fork. Both actions seemed to take a great amount of concentration."

"I have my letter to Grissom. It doesn't really explain anything and I know that he will be confused. He'll take a minute to think it over and will figure it out then come over here mad as hell. It's time to make it official." Ecklie noted that the longer she talked the more hoarse her voice got. She really was running out of time.

"You're sure you can handle his coming over here?"

"I'm not going to open the door. I won't even talk to him because as you can tell, my voice is beginning to fail me." Ecklie nodded and took the letter.

"I will give it to him tonight."

"Thank you. I appreciate everything you have done for me." Sara began to move her plate out of the way.

"Stay. I will walk myself out. Eat, you need your energy. You'll need it." Sara nodded and once again began to eat. Ecklie left and drove to the lab.

Grissom had been a little depressed without Sara around for the last ten days. He did his best to be professional and not snap at anyone. Catherine was the only one to put up with his testy attitude. Ecklie strode in without knocking.

"Conrad, are you lost? Your office is upstairs." Grissom snapped because of the rude intrusion. Ecklie closed the door and took a seat as if he hadn't heard Gil at all.

"We need to talk." Grissom took in the serious attitude and sat back down in his chair.

"What's up?"

"We need to find a permanent replacement for Sara."

"What?!" Gil was on his feet.


	7. Chapter 7

(Ecklie just told Grissom that they need to replace Sara permanently)

"Gil sit down and listen." Gil sat.

"The day she asked you for the leave, she called me and gave me her resignation. She has this for you." Ecklie handed over the letter. Gil opened it.

Grissom,

If you are reading this, then you

know that I have resigned. I am truly

sorry for deceiving you about the leave.

I had to do it for protection; though who

I am protecting more, me or you, is

unclear. Please don't be angry with me.

If you do, you will regret it.

Sara

"That didn't explain anything."

"She told me you would say that. Don't be angry with her." Grissom remained silent for a minute just as Sara predicted he would. Suddenly Grissom snapped his eyes to Ecklie's patient face.

"It's her isn't it? She's the one she knows with cancer."

"Gil, right now you need to start your shift, then decide if you want to keep your temp as Sara's replacement, then sort out your feelings."

"That temp is nowhere near as good as Sara. Find me someone else; someone who didn't graduate two weeks ago and actually has field experience. I don't have the time or the energy to mentor new blood. I need someone who can hit the ground running. Have Catherine and Nick help you interview. If they like the new recruit, one of them will teach the ropes around here. Why did she lie to me?"

"Only she can tell you that."

"Thank you for telling me. As you mentioned, I need to start my shift."

"If you need to talk, I am here." Ecklie stood and left without another word. Grissom was as mad as he could ever remember being. He walked into the break room in a foul mood.

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"What's up Griss?" Warrick asked cheerfully.

"You four, come to my office immediately." Grissom almost growled the order and left the room. Catherine, Nick, Warrick and Greg all silently followed him. Shana, the temp, stayed where she was.

"Greg, close the door." The four new arrivals all found somewhere to sit.

"I have just learned that Sara resigned almost two weeks ago." All four of them imitated goldfish. Grissom waited an additional minute before speaking.

"I don't know the whole story, and I do intend to find out, but all I know now is Sara told me that she knew someone with cancer and only has a few weeks left to live. She told me that she needed to help put the affairs in order. Now that I have learned she quit, I am suspecting that the person she knows is her. As I find out more, I will let you know. Also, I told Ecklie to have two of you help interview for the replacement and pick who you like. I don't want to train anyone new. I figured if you picked who you like then you all will mentor him or her and instruct the way I like things done around here." He handed out assignments and sent them on their way. Grissom was still so angry about everything related to Sara that he vented by punching through the wooden door of his office. Several heads poked out of their labs to see what the commotion was as Grissom opened the door to leave.

"GET BACK TO WORK!" He shouted and every head vanished from his sight. He walked to the morgue.

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"Where's Al?" Grissom demanded upon entering the morgue. Al came from his office at the mention of his name. Al saw how irate Gil was and sent David out of the room.

"I'm right here. What do you need?"

"I'd like you to fix my hand."

"What did you do?" Al walked to a freezer for an ice pack.

"I punched a hole in my office door." Al took the ice pack away and led him to the x-ray.

"Why?"

"I'm pissed at Sara." Al put the lead coat over his body and positioned the hand the way he wanted it.

"Don't move." The machine beeped and Al reappeared.

"Why are you pissed at her?"

"She lied to me. Then, she confided in Ecklie of all people." The ice pack was returned. The film was developed and put on the light board.

"It's broken. I'll cast it for you. What did she lie about?"

"I don't know the whole story. I'm headed there next." Al decided to let the man brood. At least he sat still during the casting. There was barely a 'thank you' as Grissom swiftly left the room.

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A/N: Please keep thise reviews coming. It's said that it always gets worse before it gets better and in this case it is totally true. It will still be sad and depressing for the next few chapters, but it will get better. Hang in there.


	8. Chapter 8

(The bold italics in this chapter only is Sara's half of the conversation)

**A/N: KEEP KLEENEX NEARBY FOR THE NEXT FEW CHAPTERS. JUST A WORD OF PRECAUTION**

Sara got a call from Al alerting her that Grissom was on his way to her place. She had begun her journey to the front door while picking up a pen and some paper. Grissom pounded on her door. Josie had gone to bed, but woke with the noise. Sara put her finger to her lips. She checked the peep hole and slid to the floor.

_**Go away.**_ The note read. He recognized her handwriting though it was a little shaky.

"Not a chance in hell. Open the door."

**_No. You're angry._**

"You're damn right I'm angry. You lied to me."

**_No I didn't. I just spoke in the third person._**

"This is silly. Open the door."

**_No._**

"Will you at least speak to me?"

**_No._**

"Why?" Grissom had taken to sitting on the floor facing the door.

**_I look like hell. I sound like hell. I don't want you to remember me like this._**

"Why didn't you tell anyone about this?"

**_I don't want pity._**

"We wouldn't pity you. You know that. We care about you."

**_What about you?_**

"I won't tell you until I can see your face."

_**No. I want to hear it.**_ She slid the two notes under at the same time.

"I care about you."

**_How? Do you still not know what to do about 'this'? _** It was taking her a long time to write these short little notes. This last one crushed his heart. The emotions flooded his voice.

"You're right. I am too late. How long?"

_**4wks left if I'm lucky.**_ He was floored. He thought he would have longer than that.

"Isn't there anything you can do?"

_**I've tried too many treatments. There is nothing. I've accepted it. Promise me you'll cremate me.**_

"I promise. Will you open the door please?"

_**Can't. It will break my heart to see you. It hurts just to hear your voice. You are the only reason I am sad about how little time I have left.**_ As soon as he read this, the tears began to fall. Sara broke down when she heard his next words.

"How am I supposed to go on without you? I…I….I love you, Sara."

**_I love you too, Gil._** This note was covered in teardrops. Her handwriting was steadily getting worse. He put his hand on the door.

"Sara, please let me in."

**_Can't do this to us. Too hard._** He was feeling hopeless and very angry.

"Sara, no! Don't do this."

**_Tired. Going to bed now. Don't let anyone else come over. I won't let them in either. My phone is off now too._**

"Sara, please. I need to see you."

_**Goodbye Gil. My hand hurts too much to write. Muscle control fading fast. I love you.**_ He was stunned. He saw a second set of footprints help her stand and walk away. He collected all of the notes she wrote and put them in his wallet. Particularly, the one confessing her feelings. He drove straight to his townhouse to sob in private. He texted Catherine to say he wouldn't be back and not to bother him. He also texted Ecklie to request a meeting in the morning. He fell asleep dreaming of Sara and holding a framed picture he had of her. A ringing phone woke him up.


	9. Chapter 9

_(Recap from ch.8. Grissom is devastated when confronting Sara and learning that his suspicions of her are correct. He fell asleep on his bed crying over the soon to be loss on his life.)_

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"Grissom."

"_Ecklie. You wanted a meeting?"_

"Yes. When is a good time?"

"_Right now works. I kept the morning open for you."_

"I will be there in an hour. I need to get cleaned up."

"_I will be here."_

"Bye." Grissom hung up and forced himself to get cleaned up only because he was going to a place of business. He no longer had any other reason to do anything. As promised, Ecklie was waiting for him and closed the door for privacy.

"Well I went to her place last night."

"She knew you would. She waited up for you."

"When did you last see her?"

"Last night after she called me. I came to the lab and talked to you after I left her place."

"How does she look? How does she sound? I need to know."

"She told me she wasn't going to let you in. I didn't bother to tell you because she knew you wouldn't listen anyway. She's batting 1000 in predicting your actions so far."

"Please, tell me what I need to know." Ecklie sighed.

"It won't be long. She looked weak and pale. She was eating dinner when I saw her. It looked like she put a lot of concentration just to get the spoon to her mouth. Her voice is quite raspy and the more she talked, the worse it got. She has a live in nurse that does everything for her. Sara said she's a good cook and gives great massages. She mentioned therapy, but they didn't tell me what that entailed. I went there to get your letter along with her phone and badge. Don't give up and don't be angry with her. She's been hiding it from everyone for years." Grissom slumped in his seat. He wanted to give in to the powerful emotions building up inside, but he fought them. The emotional dam he'd constructed had crumbled when he learned the truth about Sara. He'd managed to put a temporary wall back up and would only release the floodgates in the privacy of his own home. He finally nodded and left the office in a daze. Once again he fell on his bed already beginning to mourn for the woman he loves.

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That night, Grissom felt like he was dragging himself to work. He was seriously sad but kept the emotionless mask on his face. He hasn't even been to his office yet and found everyone in the break room. They had come early to see if he had any news.

"You four, come with me." He fought with everything he had to not let his voice crack.

"I promised you an update. I went to Sara's last night. She wouldn't even open the door. She passed notes under it. My suspicions were correct in that Sara has cancer. She wrote that she only has four weeks left if she's lucky." He paused to let the information sink in.

"She doesn't want anyone to visit because she won't let you in. I spoke with Ecklie who was the last person to see her. He told me she is pale and weak. She is losing muscle control very fast and put a lot of effort to even bring the spoon to her mouth. Her voice is raspy and he doesn't think it will be much longer. She has a live in care nurse to help her do everything. I heard she's a good cook and gives great massages along with providing therapy for her." All four of them were wiping their eyes. He was tempted to join them, but his earlier resolve won the war.

"I will try to see her again in a few days and if there is any change, I will let you know. Say nothing to anyone and I will let Brass know." He handed assignment slips to Catherine and dismissed them. He needed to be alone. An hour had passed when he felt in control enough to discuss this again and called Brass. He knew that the gruff detective harbored a soft spot for Sara and would want to know what has happened. Gil also decided that Brass and Sara's relationship was special enough for Brass to be told in private. He picked up the phone.

"_Brass."_

"Where are you?"

"_Hello to you too Gil, I am at home; it's my night off."_

"I need to talk to you in private. I'm coming over. Hide the alcohol."

"_That serious?"_

"You will want to drink and I need you to stay sober. Trust me, my bottle of scotch spent the night next to my bed just tempting me." Gil was halfway to his car.

"_Ok, I'll hide it. When will you be here?"_

"Twenty minutes. You may also want to put fragile items away as well."

"_Why?"_

"When I found out, I broke my hand punching a hole in my door?"

"_So that's how the hole got there."_

"Yes. I mean it; put breakable stuff and the liquor away. I'll see you soon." Grissom hung up and climbed in his car. Brass opened the door as soon as he saw Gil pull in the driveway.

"What's going on?"

"Have you heard anything about Sara?"

"I noticed she hasn't been around. Is she ok?"

"Not really. Sit down and I will tell you what I know." Brass did and listened to his friend recap the story. Brass was so angry that he could neither move nor speak. There were no questions that could be asked and he knew he wouldn't gain entrance to Sara's home. He looked for something to vent with and found nothing so he collapsed on his couch and let the tears begin to stream down his face. Grissom quietly got up and left his friend alone.

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A/N: I know it's getting harder and harder to read right now, but hang in there. It will gegt a little lighter soon. The reviewa you all have been sending are wonderful and I love reading them. Please keep them coming. Thanks.


	10. Chapter 10

A week later, as he promised the team, he knocked on the door again. He was surprised when it opened.

"Can I help you?"

"Is Sara here?"

"Who are you?"

"Gil Grissom. She used to work for me at the crime lab."

"I'm Josie. Sara is sleeping right now."

"I've heard some nice things about you."

"Thank you."

"Since she's sleeping, can I please see her?"

"I'm sorry Mr. Grissom; she specifically said no visitors. I want to let you in, but I can't."

"I understand. How is she doing?"

"Not well. Oh, hold on, I have some papers to give you from her." Josie closed the door and reopened it thirty seconds later.

"Here, she needs you to sign these for her. She added you to her bank accounts. In all the years I've been doing this, I have never seen anyone so organized." He took the packet.

"Sara is very organized. … How long do you think she has?"

"It won't be much longer. Maybe a week. She is still fighting, but knows that she is losing. She lost pretty much all muscle control two days after your last visit. She can't speak anymore and communicates through her eyes. I only ask yes and no questions now." Grissom's heart broke once again.

"Thank you. If I give you my number, will you call me when it's time? I need to see her one last time. I need to tell her something to her face."

"I'll call you." Josie told him while nodding at the same time. Grissom handed over his business card after writing his home number on it as well.

"I will have my cell within reach at all times." He started to back away, but she stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

"I also want to tell you that when you came here last week, she had her hand on the doorknob the entire time. I don't know what she wrote, but I hope you saved the notes. That was the last time she held anything in her hand. I feed her pureed food now and she doesn't eat much. I think she's trying to decide whether to keep fighting or not. She's in pain, I can see it in her eyes." Josie spoke quietly and respectfully. She'd been in this job long enough to know how to talk to people and what they could handle. She could tell that this man means a lot to Sara just by the conversations they'd shared in the last few weeks. Josie felt that this one man deserved to know the whole truth.

"Mr. Grissom, for whatever reason she has, she doesn't want anyone to know how much she hurts. Please respect her by not divulging everything I have just told you. She told me you probably have told the team."

"I have. I will tell them they need to prepare for a funeral soon. Thank you for sharing so much with me."

"You're welcome. I need to check on Sara and I will call you when the time comes." Grissom nodded and left. In his car, he opened the envelope. He saw the logo of the bank and drove straight there. He met with one of the associates and filled out the papers Sara had given him. He understood that he would not be granted access until he produced a death certificate. Again he went home and cried.

At Sara's Josie closed the door and found Sara awake.

"Did you sleep well?" Two blinks. Josie smiled. Two blinks meant 'yes'.

"I'm glad. You just had a visitor. Mr. Grissom came by again." Two blinks.

"Did you hear what I told him?" Two blinks.

"Are you upset with me?" Three blinks which meant 'no'. Josie was a little relieved.

"Did you hear what he said?" Three blinks.

"He wants to see you one more time. He says he has something he needs to say to you face to face." Sara looked to the wall. This told Josie she needed to think.

"I'll go get some applesauce and after that, therapy." Sara's gaze remained fixed on the wall. She couldn't believe her eyes. She blinked several times to make sure she wasn't delusional.

"Hello Sarabear, it's so good to see you again. No, you're not seeing things. I'm here for you. It's about that time. I know you can't talk which means you get to listen. I came a little early for you so you could hear what Mr. Grissom has to say to you. I think you need to hear it." Two blinks.

"Good girl. It will hurt a little but I'll wait until you hear what you need to hear. Ok?" Two blinks. He smiled at her and disappeared from her sight. Josie came in at that exact moment. Sara started wheezing and she made and executive decision.

"I'm going to call him." Two blinks. Sara calmed down a little. Josie fed her the applesauce while continually calling Grissom.


	11. Chapter 11

_**A/N: MUST HAVE KLEENEX!! MUST HAVE KLEENEX!! MUST HAVE KLEENEX!! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.**_

Grissom was getting out of the shower when he heard the cell phone ringing from his nightstand. He raced to answer it.

"Grissom."

"_Mr. Grissom. This is Josie. It's time. She's ready to see you."_

"I'm on my way and have a key. I'll let myself in. Don't let her die until I get there." He hung up the phone and quickly threw on some clothes. He called Ecklie on his way to Sara's.

"I won't be in tonight. It's time. Will you call Catherine?"

"_Of course. I'm sorry Gil. If it's any consolation, she told me that she loves you."_

"I love her too. Goodbye." Gil hung up and raced up the stairs to her apartment. He found Sara in her room looking for him at the doorway. He watched Josie stop the massage and leave the room pausing to tell him the blink code. He sat on the bed and held her hand.

"Thank you for letting me see you one last time." Two blinks. He smiled.

"I wanted to tell you to your face that I love you and I am so sorry for not doing it sooner." Two blinks and a tear. She was wheezing again. Once she regained control, he leaned in to kiss her softly. Her intense wheezing broke the kiss but he still whispered in her ear.

"Wait for me." Josie came in to monitor her pulse and Grissom never moved. Holding her hand told him the exact second that she died. Josie left the room to call the coroner. Grissom leaned in to kiss her forehead and whispered through a few tears.

"Wait for me. Wait for me. Wait for me. I love you." Knowing that David was on his way to collect her body, he got his own emotions under control. Sara was the only one he was willing to show them to and now she's unable to see them. He heard the door open and left the room. He had to turn his back when she was wheeled out. Josie stepped up next to him.

"She left everything to you. Here's my set of keys and I have all my things. I'm sorry for your loss." She set the keys on the table next to him and walked out the door. Grissom collapsed on the floor silently crying.

Ten minutes later, Grissom felt he was able to manage a short, but heart wrenching phone call.

"_Willows."_

"She's gone." His voice was hollow and Catherine felt an immediate lump in her throat.

"_I know. I was in the morgue when David brought her in."_ Catherine's voice was straining to maintain control.

"_How are you doing?"_

"She asked me to come here and watch her die, Catherine. How do you think I am?" It was an anger fueled response, but he didn't care.

"_I'm sorry Gil."_

"I held her hand and waited with her. It only took a few minutes. She died struggling to breathe and there was nothing anyone could to help her. I have never felt so helpless in all my life." His tears were welling up again. It was time to end this call.

"_Did she know how you felt about her?"_ It was a difficult question to ask. She knew he had deep feelings for Sara. Whether or not he verbalized them, she wasn't entirely sure that she wanted to know the answer.

"I told her. She felt the same way. She wrote it down for me." Catherine now had tears flowing in a steady stream down her face. This is how Nick found her.

"_I'm glad you finally told her."_ Nick knew why she was crying and looked to the morgue doors in question. Catherine nodded and Nick fought hard to keep his tears inside.

"You, Nick, Warrick, Greg, and Brass all need to come over after shift. There is something here for each of you."

"_Ok, I'll take care of it. Will you be ok until then?"_

"Yes. Goodbye." Grissom hung up and gave into the tears as he lay on her bed. There was no way he could sleep now.

Catherine hung up and turned to Nick. He pulled her into a tight hug that she returned while sobbing into his neck. Several tears managed to escape Nick's eyes. Warrick rounded a corner and after seeing his two friends, he stopped.

"What's wrong?" He asked even though deep down he already knew the answer.

"Sara just passed away. She's in the morgue." Nick managed to choke out. Warrick joined the duo after calling Greg and Brass. All of them stopped by in turn to say goodbye to her. Each one of them left through the back entrance. By the end of shift, everyone knew that Sara Sidle had passed away though most of them didn't know why. Ecklie told the team they could have one week for bereavement. They all left after leaving extensive case notes on active files. Then, Ecklie put out an email to all staff alerting them of Sara's death and when he knew of the arrangements for her funeral, he would pass that on as well.


	12. Chapter 12

(Recap: Sara just passed away)

Five separate cars pulled into Sara's parking lot within two minutes of each other. Catherine led the group to Sara's door. Grissom opened the door and walked away closing a door behind him. Everyone knew to leave him alone. They all saw the red eyes and tear stained cheeks he tried to hide by not looking at them. Each of them found her own box and sat in a separate corner to read the letter she wrote. Each of them cried a little more before silently leaving. Catherine was last and she poked her head in Sara's bedroom to see Gil curled up on the bed sobbing. She left a note that she would be back another time with Lindsey to go through Sara's clothes and jewelry.

It was dark when Grissom forced himself to get out of her bed. He had managed a few fitful hours of sleep. He had arrangements to make so his first stop after freshening up was to see her body at the lab.

"I know she had cancer. Open her up and tell me how bad it was." Al nodded.

"I will have to call a friend of mine to do this since I cannot. You can't be here for this either so say your goodbyes now." Al left him alone with her body. He touched her now cold cheek.

"I'm glad that you are no longer in pain, but I miss you already. I never thought that I would outlive you. It was one of the reasons I never made a move. I was so much older and was afraid you'd get tired of me and leave. I will regret it for the rest of my life. Wait for me. I love you." He stroked her hair during his whispered confession. He didn't notice Al was watching from a safe distance and also blocking the door. Grissom left the same way he had come. He drove straight home to wait for the release of her body so he could call a mortuary to pick her up. The box Sara made for him sat near the front door with the envelope on top of it. There was a second envelope labeled legal documents for him to read. He knew about the bank accounts, this had her will in it, confirming that everything was left to him and he needed to call her lawyer. He was glad that he opened this because Sara planned everything out for him. She chose the mortuary that she wanted and even picked out her urn. Everything was already paid for as well. There were a few bills that needed to be paid and her lease. He had two months to clean her place out. Josie was right, she had indeed prepared herself. He set the envelope on his table with the bank papers and went to bed. He couldn't fall asleep so he went to Sara's. He looked around to determine how much to keep and how much to donate. He didn't know how long he stood there for, but his phone broke his concentration.

"Grissom."

"_It's Al. I have the autopsy report."_

"Go on."

"_Well, Jerry had a tough time finding a place in her body that wasn't riddled with cancer. It started in her lungs and spread from there. Are you doing ok?"_

"I'm fine. Thank Jerry for me and I will let the mortuary know they can pick her up." He hung up getting really tired of everyone inquiring to his well being. He didn't like being so clipped, but right now he couldn't help it. He curled up on her bed and fell into a dreamless sleep. He moaned at some point.

"Sara, I need you."

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Sara felt so much peace as she stopped breathing. She saw her uncle when he moved to stand next to her. He was somewhat holding her up.

"He told you what you needed to hear. Good job for letting him come to you." He looked at her and received two blinks in return. He smiled.

"You can speak now. There is no more cancer." He stroked her cheek in a way that only he could. Sara hadn't felt that for almost twenty years.

"Why did I see you then? Why are you here now? You've been dead almost twenty years."

"My case is still unsolved. I had the chance to move on right away, but I chose to stay and help others cross over. I was sent to you. Are you ready to move on?"

"No. Grissom told me to wait for him. That's what I intend to do."

"There are a few rules you need to know. If you break any of them, you will be sent on without warning."

"What are they?"

"First, if you need anything you come to me. Just think about me and I will materialize. Second, Grissom is the only mortal you can talk to or show yourself to."

"How do I do that?"

"I will tell you all in good time. Third, I will have you help me from time to time. You can't tell anyone about your work; not even Grissom. You can possess a body, but it's not highly recommended."

"Grissom will figure it out. He's a pretty smart guy."

"That's fine if he does. When he dies, you must move on after his funeral and you will be the one to help him cross. I hope that he is worth it."

"He is."

"You understand that you cross as soon as his funeral is done regardless of whether he chooses to go with you?"

"I understand. I love him."

"I will hang with you and teach you the basics of what I do. After your service, I will only see you when I need you or you need me."

"Ok. Thank you." He kissed her head.

"You're welcome Sarabear. Let's go."

"But Grissom is still here."

"He will be fine. We need to go for now."

"But…"

"If you don't give him a few days to accept that you are dead, then it will only cause him more pain. Give him time to mourn you."

"He won't. He'll just shut everyone out and close himself off even more than he already does."

"Nevertheless. You have work to do first before you can talk to him." Sara was being dragged away from her body and Grissom. She stopped arguing and let her uncle teach her what she wanted to know. As a reward, Jeff let her spend her nights watching over Grissom. She followed him everywhere and kept guard over him as he slept fitfully.

Two days after her death, Grissom was putting on his best suit to go to Sara's memorial service. He wanted to get there early to have one last chance of being alone with her. He hadn't yet decided what to do with her ashes yet. The finishing touch was him picking up an old photo of the two of them from his nightstand and putting it in the breast pocket of his jacket. After today, he will always carry it with him.

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A/N: I am leaving town in the morning for a few days and may not be able to post. Should that happen, then the next chapter will be up on Monday night or Tuesday morning. Again, thank you for all of the reviews. The responses I've gotten have been overwhelming and I love it. Please keep them coming.


	13. Chapter 13

I was able to get to a computer, so here's the next chapter. The next one will be up again soon. I love the reviews and hope that you keep sending them!!

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(Minor reference to 'Nesting Dolls' and 'Cool Change')

He arrived at the church and wandered around admiring the flowers and photographs. The team pitched in and found several photos of Sara to make a few collages. He searched her place for a few from her past. As far as he knew, Sara hadn't confided in anyone else about her life before college. He barely smiled at the thought that he was as much her confidante as she was his. The priest came in to let him know others were beginning to arrive. The first being the team as they all came together.

"Where's her family?" Catherine asked after looking around.

"We're it. Her parents are dead and she has no brothers or sisters." He lied to protect the horrible truth she'd confided in him a few years ago during her suspension.

"How terrible; if I had known I would've invited her to Thanksgiving or something." Nick mentioned.

"She wouldn't have gone and you know it. She was always very private." Grissom replied while Catherine looked around.

"We should claim some seats. This place is filling up fast." She suggested. Grissom was the last to sit and by the time the service was to start, it was standing room only. Several people got up to speak including each member of the team. Again, Grissom decided to be last. He didn't hear much of anything that anyone had said. He was too preoccupied with the picture in his pocket and kept pulling it out to look at it. Catherine noticed his distractedness and glanced over at him. She softly gasped and he put the picture back in its place before standing. The picture had given him the courage he needed to speak to the room full of people. He looked out at all of the attentive faces waiting to hear his words.

"I've known Sara for a long time. I know she wouldn't believe me, but she knows me better than anyone….I met Sara at a seminar I gave at Berkeley. She was young, vibrant, energetic, and most of all intelligent. We became fast friends. … When fellow CSI Holly Gribbs died tragically six years ago, I could only think of one person to be her replacement. … I admit that I haven't always treated her the way she deserved and it was for selfish reasons. That is a regret that I carry until my last breath. … Sara was strong and determined; and one to always get the last word in, she wanted me there with her for her final moments. It was one of the single most powerful moments of my life. … I'm very much honored that this wonderful woman trusted me enough to let me be a part of her life … and now her death." He paused to look at the photo he set on the podium. Then he looked at her urn on a table at the front of the room.

"I will miss you Sara." With that emotional sentence, he repocketed the picture and walked out of the room. There wasn't a dry eye in the place. The minister concluded the ceremony by announcing a dinner celebrating her life for those closest to her at the Bellagio.


	14. Chapter 14

Sara and Jeff sat near her urn and listened intently to all of the speeches given about her. Grissom's affected the most and by the end, she was wiping away tears the same as everyone else in the room. She followed Grissom's path after Jeff had wished her well. She found him on the side of the building wiping a stray tear away. Catherine rounded the corner a second later.

"Hey, we're on our way. Are you going to join us?"

"Yes, I will be there soon. I just need a minute or so. I need to collect her urn and take it home."

"May I ride with you? I can help with the pictures and flowers too."

"Sure. I'll meet you inside in a minute." Catherine squeezed his hand and left him be. She saw Jim at the door.

"I'm going to ride with him. He needs a minute so don't let anyone go back there."

"Alright. Think he'll pull out of it?"

"I don't know Jim. I really don't know." Catherine went back inside to talk to the priest. Greg, Nick and Warrick were saying goodbye to the last of the guests. She got them to help bring everything out to Gil's car just as Gil was walking in. He collected the urn and led them to his car. No words were spoken and none were needed. Grissom started the engine and after Catherine joined him in the car, he drove away. Together, the flowers were loaded on his front stoop and the pictures all brought inside. Grissom carefully carried the urn and set it on his dining room table. He gestured toward the front door with a sweep of his arm.

"Have you thought about where to dump her ashes?" To answer, he simply nodded and locked the front door.

"Where are you thinking about?" He opened the car door for her. He shrugged and closed the door to walk around. He wasn't in the mood for talk; that much was obvious. It was also obvious that Catherine was doing her best not to let him retreat within himself. She was now pissed at Sara for leaving him in this state of mind. Anger was immediately followed by guilt.

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At the restaurant, there were about twenty people there. Stories floated past his ears about different things Sara had said and done. The only words he had spoken since arriving was to the waiter and only to order vegetarian meals in her honor. He pulled out the photograph a few more times. He didn't seem to hear anyone talking so Nick leaned in to the center of the table.

"What does he keep looking at?" Nick asked while casting eyes over at the man in question so everyone knew to whom he was referring to.

"It's a picture of him and Sara. She was on his back and kissing his cheek. It looks old; perhaps from when we they met. I've never seen him look so happy."

"Whoa. It looks like they were a lot closer than we all thought." Warrick concluded and the rest of them agreed. Catherine was brave again.

"Hey Gil, what's the story behind that picture?" He pushed his untouched plate away.

"Excuse me." Grissom stood and walked to the host. He pulled out a credit card with instructions to leave it with Catherine after pointing her out. He left without another word. He was feeling suffocated around all of the people and just wanted to be alone. Sara followed him; now very worried.

Catherine stood once she saw where their friend was headed. She started to walk over to him when they pointed at her. The host stopped her pursuit.

"Excuse me Ms. Willows, Mr. Grissom has left his credit card and instructed me to give it to you." She took the small piece of plastic with a huff and returned to her seat. She couldn't leave until the bill was paid.

"What was that?" Greg asked.

"He left me his credit card to pay for this. I'm really worried and I don't think he should be alone right now." She told the table. Brass squeezed her shoulder and tried to reassure her with his words.

"I agree, but he needs some time. I'll check on him in a little bit. He'll be ok." Catherine softly smiled at him though kept stealing glances at the front entrance but managed to get through the meal.

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Gil, knowing that someone would eventually come to his place, went to Sara's instead. He forced himself to stop at home to change and buy some boxes. He packed her kitchen. He took her coffee pot and laptop home with him. He bypassed the flowers and the box that she had personally packed for him. The laptop sat on the coffee table and the coffee pot replaced his in the kitchen. Hers was nicer anyway. He had just sat down with a glass of scotch when the doorbell rang. He sat there for thirty seconds trying to decide if he should ignore it or not. He reasoned that people would leave him alone if he answered it and got rid of the visitor versus having the doorbell ring all night and ruin the buzz he was planning to get.

"Hey, can I come in?" Jim Brass stood there with a solemn face. Grissom shook his head.

"Are you going to start talking anytime soon?" Gil shrugged.

"Are you going to be alright?" Again, Gil shrugged.

"I know it's hard being put in charge of a funeral for someone you care about. If you need to talk or get drunk, let me know." Gil nodded and slowly closed the door to send a message.

"I get it. I'm going now; I'll see you in a day or two." The door closed and locked in his face. Grissom returned to his spot on the couch just staring at the glass he poured. He had seen what drinking during grief does to people and ended up dumping it out with tears running down his face. The next thing he did was put his gun in a drawer so that it would be out of sight, out of mind and went to bed. He made sure to set an alarm to be at work in a few days. Until then, he wasn't planning to do a thing.

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Sara was extremely worried about him. She was right in that he was closing himself off from everyone; but it's much more extreme than she thought. Fear set in when she watched him struggle with the alcohol and then hide the gun. When he finally lay in his bed and fell asleep, she sat next to him relieved that he was still getting some rest.

"Hang in there, Gil. It will get easier." She told him in a quiet voice. She let a tear escape because of his grief. Sara had convinced herself that his grief was all her fault.

"It's not your fault, Sara." She whirled around to see Jeff and rushed him out of the room.

"Why are you here? I thought you weren't going to bother me?"

"Believe it or not Sara, you are in mourning too. I just kept you busy for part of it. The sooner you can snap out your guilt and accept it then the sooner you will be able to help Grissom. You do want to help him, don't you?"

"Of course I do."

"It won't happen as long you think that it's your fault. You need to do it soon. Everyone has a breaking point and he is steadily getting to his. How much longer do you think he can resist the booze or the gun in the drawer?"

"He's stronger than that. I know it."

"When will he start talking again?"

"Not for a while. He wasn't much of a talker before though."

"All I'm saying, is you need to get past this. You made the choice not to let anyone in on your illness, so now you must wait for the acceptance of your sudden death. Gil loves you and it will take a while unless you help him."

"What are you getting at? You said I need to do it soon."

"His days are numbered and I know you don't want to spend the rest of them watching him mourn you."

"How long?"

"Tough to tell. His name is on two different lists. If you can't pull him through this, he might take his own life, but he also is developing prostate cancer. His is aggressive just like yours was."

"How long?" Sara repeatedherself.

"Part of that depends on you. If he doesn't kill himself he will be dead within the year."

"Anything else?"

"I can't tell you that just yet. Help him. Suicides don't go to the same place you do and your souls will never meet again. You are destined to be with him forever. Once you get where you ultimately need to be, you might be able persuade 'the powers that be' to let you be high school sweethearts in your next life or something. When you get to heaven you'll know what I mean."

"There actually is reincarnation?"

"You're missing the big picture here. Do you know how rare it is to find the one soul meant to be with you always? It's about 1/100,000. You and Gil have found each other three times now. Sometimes you married and sometimes you didn't. It's that important that you help him through this so that you can continue to find each other." Sara took in the new information and nodded.

"I will do what I can. Thank you Jeff."

"You're welcome. You can't tell him any of this until he dies."

"Ok. Bye." Jeff disappeared and Sara resumed her watch over him. She sat on the far side of the bed.

"I need you to pull through for me. I love you."

"Love you too." He mumbled in his sleep. Sara kept trying.

"Will you live for me?"

"Yes."

"Don't mourn me."

"Ok."

"Sleep now. We'll talk later."

"Mmkay." He rolled over and his right hand lay open in the middle of the bed. Sara set her hand on top of it and as soon as she did, his fingers curled into a fist. She now fully understood just how important Jeff's words were and how connected they were.


	15. Chapter 15

The next morning, he woke up rested, much to his surprise. He dressed and drove over to Sara's texting Catherine after he got there. She arrived with Lindsey in tow to go through Sara's clothes. Before she got there though, Grissom had looked through and put away the undergarments and private entertainment she had. He'd found her journal in her nightstand and put it with the few other things he was taking home with him that day. Catherine and Lindsey took what they wanted and came back to take the rest of the clothes to Goodwill. Grissom finished her bedroom and bathroom before stopping for the day.

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Sara kept quiet during most of the day. She blushed when he found her intimates and journal.

"Don't read that here!" She shouted at him and he paused his action of opening it. He closed it and set it aside much to her surprise. She'd mention a few other things that were favorites and those things were separated to go home with him. The next few days went like that until he found a storage unit for her things and hired movers to move it all. He'd made space in his home for the things of hers he'd kept. She stayed away when he read her journal and always respected his privacy. The night he was supposed to go to work he was in the shower and Sara browsed the kitchen. She touched a banana with longing. Ten minutes later, he picked up the very same banana from the bunch and ate it. She now had a new game to play and it just might work to get him through his grief.

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Sara tagged along to the lab and listened to him clear his throat a few times. He hadn't said more than twenty words since the funeral luncheon. He went into the break room and passed out assignments. He kept himself in his office and completed paperwork. Sara left him a few times to check on the others, but always returned to his side. Various lab personnel would come and drop things off for him and leave. No words were uttered on either side. Not even Hodges lingered and Sara knew why. The room was stifling with the scent of despair and depression. Grissom, everyone knew was existing on a very short fuse. The team thought his soul died right along with Sara and had set up an informal suicide watch. Everyday was now a routine. After a month, Grissom had finished cleaning her apartment, keeping a few of the more personal things to bring home.


	16. Chapter 16

Sara had spent the month talking to him in his sleep and had enjoyed experimenting again. She would go into his closet and touch his clothes. He always wore what she had chosen. He ate the foods that she mentioned and touched. She'd begun touching the box. This is the one thing he resisted, so she began to sit on it. She could tell that the temptation grew stronger everyday. Sara would tell him during his waking hours to touch the box. One morning, he answered.

"No." Courage bolstered now that she was reaching him during his waking hours, she tried again.

"Gil, open the box."

"No." He seemed unaware that he was talking to her.

"Gil, open the damn box!"

"NO!" With that, he threw his coffee cup at the wall, shattering it and spilling coffee everywhere.

"You'll get some closure." She told him softly.

"I can't."

"You call yourself a scientist?" She tried to tease him the only way she knew how.

"Not anymore." He was broken.

"Grissom, please, you need to." She pleaded with him and he gave up. He picked up the box and carried it to the couch. He stared at it for another minute so she prompted him again.

"Go on, read it." He relented and opened the letter.

Gil,

Wow, I haven't called you that

in a long time. ' Griss" suits you so much

better. If you're reading this, then I must

be dead; and knowing you, I've been

dead for a while. I'm so sorry I didn't

tell you everything that day. I should have.

The tension between us was the pivotal

point. I knew that if I had told you, then

you'd change. If you were ever going to

reveal your true feelings to me, then I

wanted it to be in your own time and

not cancers. You are my best friend,

my mentor, my boss, and my fantasy.

I fell in love with you in San Francisco.

Do you still have the photo? Mine was

kept in my nightstand. We have a

connection and it kills me to be with

you night after night not being able to

tell you or show you how I feel. Hank

was nothing more than a convenience.

I'm so sorry I hurt you, but your silent

treatment hurt far more than the cancer

destroying my body. Doc will tell you

that it started in my lungs and there is

hardly a place left in my body

unscathed. The day I resigned is the

day my doctor told me it attacked my

brain.

Now, I know this is hard, but

you need to go through this box;

relive my memories. Share some of

them with 'the gang'. Don't shut them

out. They need you just as much as you

need them. I apologize for leaving you

in charge, but I trust you to carry out my

wishes. I love you. I'll be watching and

waiting for you.

Love forever more,

Sara

Grissom sat and cried as he read her words.

"You really do know me. God, I miss you." Sara tried to hold his hand, but he flinched.

"It's okay, it's just me." Recognition that he could hear her voice dawned on him.

"Sara?"

"Yes, Gil, I'm here. I never left you."

"Why are you here?"

I'm worried about you; and you asked me to wait for you."

"Will I ever see you again?"

"In time. The fact that you acknowledge my voice says a lot. I've been talking to you for weeks." He sat still for a minute.

"Are you responsible for my eating habits?" He asked with a smirk. She smiled.

"Among other things. It's been fun. I've been picking out your clothes for two weeks, then last week moved on to your linens. It was an experiment." Grissom could hear the smile in her voice and smiled his first true smile since her death.

"It's good to see you smile. I'm going to leave you alone for a while. Go through the box. I'll be back. I promise."

"How can you be sure?"

"You are my unfinished business. I'll explain everything when the time is right."

"Ok. Will you come when I call?"

"I don't know. I've not really left your side except when you're showering or changing."

"Thank you. Can we try it? You go and I will call you."

"Ok." Sara left and he felt the felt the change in the room when she was gone. He called and she returned. She left him for a second time so that he could sort through the box. Right on top was yet another note to him:

Gil, I know you have my laptop. The password is GG081756.

This caused a smile small due to her knowledge of him. Further in the box was every textbook he'd given her and each book appeared to have been read several times. There were photos and a large untitled book that was ready to burst. He looked through the photos and set them aside, smiling at the memories. He had seen glimpses over the years, but the depth of her passion and sentimentality overwhelmed him. Only Sara would cherish an entomology book. Not only cherish it, but read it as well. He was beginning to realize that he didn't know as much about her as he thought, but she sure knew him. Finally the large book rested in his lap. Inside the cover was another note.


	17. Chapter 17

(Recap: Grissom just pulled a very large untitled book into his lap and is reading a note she wrote to him from the inside cover.)

Gil,

I know you read my other journals, but this one I kept in here for very specific reasons. This book started ten years ago and has been growing ever since. Maybe it's good that I died, because I ran out of room two years ago. :) This book is VERY PRIVATE. It contains dreams and fantasies I've had since we met and they're all about you. There are a few pictures and sketches I did of images that began to interfere with my work. Read at your leisure, but destroy it before you die, I wouldn't want anyone else reading it. Be careful with my memories, this book has not only taken in my deepest fantasies and kept my secrets, but helped me remember them too. I'm sure you noticed the duct tape on the spine.

Sara

Grissom was intrigued and flipped open the book to a random page in the middle. His eyes bulged as he read her passionate descriptions of intimate acts shared between two people. They wrapped themselves around him like a blanket and aroused him to no end. There was a picture with this entry and it made matters worse for him below the belt when he looked at it. Apparently, Sara Sidle had a secret talent for erotic writing and art. Quickly, he replaced the picture and closed the book before setting it back in the box. He would have to read it another time.

"Sara?!" He sat and waited. He felt the change in the room signaling her arrival.

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Going to take my advice?"

"Which was?"

"Let them in. They're worried about you. They've spent the last month walking on eggshells around you and they've set up an informal suicide watch."

"Oh. I'll try, but it's not the same without you."

"Do it for me. They can't get true closure until they know you will be ok." He nodded and changed the subject.

"Where are you?"

"Sitting on the coffee table."

"Will you touch my hands?" He held them out and flinched when she did what he asked.

"Cold."

"I'm dead."

"What's it like?"

"I can't tell you. Believe it or not, I have rules I need to follow."

"Like what?"

"You are the only mortal I can talk to or will be allowed to see me. You can't tell anyone about me either or they'll … I'll get in trouble. I can't tell you what it's like on this side either."

"Strict rules."

"I know, but at least I don't have to worry about bills anymore." He softly smiled and then gazed at her.

"Are you wearing something purple?" She looked down.

"You can see me?"

"Just an outline."

"That's good. It will get easier as long as you are calm and open to it." He saw her look to the door. He looked too, but didn't see anything. She looked back at him.

"I need to go. Believe it or not, I have a job. I'll be back, ok?"

"What job? Oh, wait, you can't tell me." She smiled.

"I'll see you later."

"Bye." Then she was gone again. He felt better now, having talked to her and knowing that he still could. Since she was gone, he figured he would take his new book and read it in his room. He started at the beginning and let one hand turn pages while the other provided pleasure. After climaxing, he placed the book in the nightstand and fell asleep.

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A/N: There, I promised it would get better and Sara never truly left the story. Thank you to all of you for your wonderful reviews and for sticking with it through all of the sadness. It will get sad again, but not nearly as severe and not for a few chapters. Please, keep sending those reviews because I love them!! Thank you thank you thank you!!


	18. Chapter 18

Even though Sara hadn't returned by the time he woke that evening, Grissom still went into work with a bounce in his step. He even stopped to buy a pound of good, quality coffee for the pot at the lab.

"You're in a good mood." Catherine observed.

"I opened the box Sara left for me." Shock was evident on all of their faces so he continued.

"I couldn't open it until I was ready. I guess I have finally accepted her death."

"That's good, Gil. We were all getting worried about you." Catherine told him softly.

"Thank you. Let's get to work, shall we?" He handed out assignments and got the night started.

At the scene, he felt her presence float in and out. He isolated himself, hoping that she would stop to talk to him. A few times, she would stay by his side, but said nothing. He realized two things: one, he could her only when she allowed it and two, her 'job' was to help others cross over. At one point she touched his cheek.

"We'll talk later." And then she was gone.

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He entered his town home calling her name.

"SARA!"

"Yes?" It came from the direction of the couch.

"Let me see you." He sat on the coffee table this time.  
"I told you yesterday, you need to be calm." He took several deep breaths and watched her slowly appear before him.

"You're so beautiful."

"Thank you. I take it I'm in focus now?" He nodded.

"So, that's your job huh?"

"Yes. I'm still helping people. Jeff told me I can still help on cases I'm not directly involved in."

"Who's Jeff?"

"I can't tell you. You know the rules." He thought about it for a minute.

"Is he like your guide?"

"I told him you were smart enough to figure it out."

"Is he here now?"

"No, he only bothers me when it's time to work."

"Good."

"Why?"

"It took me too long to admit my feelings to you, I want you to myself."

"Then you should know that we weren't alone when I died. Jeff was there. That's how I knew to call you. He let me wait until you arrived."

"Are you going to get in trouble for telling me that?"

"Jeff and I talked. It's ok."

"Oh. How often do you talk to him?"

"As needed. Eat breakfast." Together they went into the kitchen.

"Will you stay with me?"

"Until I have to work again; I'll always be by your side." He smiled and busied himself for minute in order to begin again.

"Interesting journal you left for me." He teased and when he glanced at her, she was fading away.

"Sara? Where are you going?"

"Nowhere."

"You're fading."

"I'm embarrassed."

"Don't be. I'm impressed. I read a little yesterday after you left. You have quite a talent."

"Thank you. Should I leave you alone so you can read more?" It was Grissom's turn to blush. He shrugged.

"I do want to read more, but I also don't need carpel tunnel in my wrist." Sara laughed.

"I like your laugh." He mentioned quietly.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. It makes me feel good."

"I'm glad."

"You're a lot more sentimental I thought you were."

"I was. It's ok to talk about me in the past tense Griss."

"Gil." He turned to wash his dishes and clean the counters.

"What?"

"Call me Gil. You had no problem using it in your notes; now use it with your voice."

"Ok. I can do that."

"I'm glad that's settled. I'm going to take a shower and go to bed."

"I need to go talk to Jeff. I'll be back tonight before you wake up."

"Promise?"

"It's not like I can die twice." He just gave her a playfully annoyed look for her lame attempt at humor.

"Yes, I promise. Sleep well."

"Bye." Sara vanished from sight and he went to his room. He read another few entries and showered before bed. Sara found Jeff on Grissom's roof.

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A/N: Thank you all for the reviews! Keep them coming! There are only a few chapters to go.


	19. Chapter 19

"Well, is he off the suicide list?" Sara demanded immediately.

"Yes, good work. Are you enjoying this new relationship with him?"

"Yes. I'm quite sure that had the situation been reversed, I would have behaved the same way." Jeff smiled.

"That's what being with a soul mate means. I'm glad you found him."

"Me too."

"Enjoy your time together. I won't need you for a while, so be good."

"I will. Thank you for everything Jeff." Jeff hugged her and then he disappeared. Sara sat on the roof just watching the day pass and checked on Grissom once or twice. He slept soundly. She wandered into the kitchen and decided to practice getting in touch with her formal physical self. She tried to move his keys and never noticed his alarm clock ringing or him entering the kitchen.

"What are you doing?" Sara nearly vanished when he spoke because he scared her.

"Just fooling around." She told him when she recovered from the shock.

"Did you make any progress moving my keys?"

"No. I just started trying though. I had nothing else to do since I don't need sleep anymore."

"How was your talk with Jeff?" He already began making coffee for one.

"It was good." He smiled.

"I'm glad."

"Did you sleep well?" Sara changed the subject.

"Yes."

"Good." Sara read the paper to him while he ate a small dinner and drank his coffee. All he had to do was flip the pages for her. Thus began a new routine for Grissom and it was one he loved; just having quiet time alone with Sara. He wished he had done this years ago.

"Want some help at the scene tonight?"

"Sure. You don't have to work?"

"Not tonight." He smiled.

"I love when we work together."

"Me too. You just have to be careful about talking to me at the lab." She told him.

"True. I think I'll do fine."

"So, will you be working solo then?"

"If I don't then I can just listen to your beautiful voice."

"Flatterer."

"You know it, baby. I need to get dressed. How do you get to the lab?"

"I can't tell you that. I'll meet you there, maybe eavesdrop a little. Into gossip?"

"Not really, no."

"Even if it's about you?"

"I've only ever cared about what two people's opinions of me were and you're both dead."

"Thank you. Who's he other person?"

"My mother. You'd would've like her and I know she would have loved you."

"Why do you say that?"

"You both have similar personalities. She begged me for years to introduce you to her, but I always found an excuse not to." He looked at the floor and she put her hand on her chin to force him to face her.

"Don't beat yourself up. Would you have ever confessed your feelings if I wasn't dying?"

"Probably not. I'm sorry, Sara."

"I'm not mad. I never was. I thought you were foolish, but I was never mad. You weren't ready."

"I know. I wish I could hold you right now."

"Me too. Go get dressed and let's put some bad guys in jail tonight." He nodded and walked away. In his room, he pulled out a journal dedicated to Sara and left it open on the counter as he left. She now had something to read to know how he's been feeling all these years. When he got to the lab, she was already in his office.

"They're going to try and set you up on dates." He nodded in acknowledgement since his office door was still open. He couldn't see her, but hear could hear her. That's how I was for them whenever they left the house. He picked up the assignment slips and went to join his team. As soon as they broke apart to leave for their scenes, Catherine pulled him aside.

"I have a friend…"

"Congratulations." He interrupted.

"No, I was thinking of setting you up on a blind date. She's…"

"I'm not interested."

"Gil, you can't live the rest of your life alone."

"Yes, I can. It's worked just fine for the last thirty five years or so since I moved out of my mother's house."

"But,…"

"Catherine, the one woman I would have actually considered sharing my life with is now dead. Let it go. I'm not interested." With that, he walked out. Catherine heard the cold edge creep back into his voice when he referred to Sara. She hoped he wasn't reverting back into the depression again. He poked his head back in the room.

"You coming or what?"

"Yes. I'll meet you at the car." He nodded and walked away again. Sara startled him once outside.

"I told you she was going to try and set you up." He looked around.

"Did you hear what I told her?" He spoke quietly and barely moved his lips just to be on the safe side.

"Yes. That was sweet. Thank you. Where's the scene?" He discreetly showed her the sheet and then felt her leave him. Catherine arrived moments later. Sara was proving to be helpful at the scene pointing out evidence and concocting several theories. Added with his own and Catherine's, they had come up with a plausible theory incorporating all of the evidence. They ended up working a double because of it.


	20. Chapter 20

Everyday after Grissom had gone to bed, Sara resumed her practice of trying to move things. Now that Grissom left his journal out for her to read, she tried to turn pages. After three weeks of nothing, she got frustrated and batted at the book because she couldn't finish the sentence she was on due to it being on the next page. The book flew off the counter and onto the floor. The thud woke Grissom and he came running out in nothing but his boxer shorts.

"What happened?"

"I got mad at the book and swiped at it."

"You mean you finally did it?"

"Yes, but I don't know if I can do it again." He picked up the book and flipped it open to the next page for her. He also left several napkins out for her to practice on.

"Thank you and I'm sorry for waking you."

"It's alright. I'll see you in a few hours."

"Ok. Nice shorts by the way." He looked down and quickly covered himself.

"Who am I going to tell?"

"You're right. Goodnight, Sara.

"Night Gil." Sara was immersed in her previous activities once again. She quickly finished the journal entry and turned her focus on the napkins. Having been successful with the book, she channeled her emotions just like she had seen in a movie. By the time Grissom woke for the night, she'd finished the journal. He didn't believe it and being a scientist, he needed to see the proof, so she showed him.

"That's great, Honey. You can read books on your own again."

"I know. It will give me something to do while you sleep." He smiled and fixed his dinner.

"I know I mentioned it before, but I will tell you agian. That you have quite an imagination. That journal you left me is…effective."

"I'm glad I wrote it down. It came in handy for me on more than one occasion."

"I'm sure it did. It's time to get ready for work. Will you be joining me again tonight?"

"Yes. I'll see you there." Then she left.

For Gil, every night was the same. He had gotten used to Sara being with him twenty-four seven and he loved it. Catherine tried a few more times to set him up on blind dates and every time, he gave her the same response; that he was content to be alone. He thought it was funny, because no matter if Sara is alive or dead, they had to keep their relationship a secret.

Sara was watching Gil work at a scene one night about two months later when Jeff showed up.

"Hey Sarabear, how have you been?" Sara whipped around to see her uncle standing next to her. She couldn't speak because then Grissom would hear her and question her; which would be bad since he wasn't alone. So, she pointed to the roof instead. He left and she turned to Grissom.

"I'll be back." He barely nodded and remained focused on his work. Sara was on the roof seconds later.

"What are you doing here?"

"I will need you to work tomorrow night."

"Where?" She'd been all over the country since she died.

"Here in Vegas. It's Grissom."

"W-w-what?"

"It's his time sugar."

"The cancer?"

"No, he is slated to be shot at the scene. I'm sorry."

"Will his murderer be caught at least?"

"I don't know. I am only told when to collect people and why."

"Less complicated."

"Yes. You will need to collect him."

"You've known about this for a while, haven't you?"

"Yes. It was since the last time we spoke."

"Can I have the day with him? Is there any way for me to be flesh again?"

"I'll have to call in a favor or two."

"Please? I'm moving on in four days anyway. Please?"

"I'll make it happen. By the time he gets home, you'll be flesh and bone. Only for eight hours though, that's all the time I can get for you."

"That'll be enough time. Thank you. I'll see you tomorrow night."

"I'll come get you." Sara nodded and went to see Grissom again. He was alone this time.

"Hey."

"Need to work?"

"Tomorrow for sure, but I need to go now. I will be at your place by the time you get there. Ok?"

"Ok."

"Don't work late. It's important. I have something for you to see and it's only temporary."

"I promise. Bye." Sara left and went straight to his place. Jeff timed it so her wish was granted five minutes before Grissom walked through his door. She had just finished buttoning one of his dress shirts.

"Sara?"

"Hello Gil." He just stared at her.

"Are my eyes playing tricks on me or do you look more real than ever?"

"No tricks. I asked Jeff for a favor. It's only for the next seven hours or so. This is your surprise. Like it?"

"Very much."

"Good. Kiss me."

"I'm going to do so much more than kiss you." So saying, he advanced on her and carried her to his bed. They spent most of the day making love and cuddling. Exhaustion finally pulled Gil into sleep. Sara quickly got up and dressed. She left a quick note by the bed and then grabbed her private journal to destroy. She was watching it burn when Jeff showed up.

"What are you doing?"

"Burning embarrassing evidence of mine."

"Oh, ok. As soon as it's done I need to take you away until it's time to get him." Sara felt her body become ghostly once again.

"How does that happen?"

"You don't want to know."

"That complicated?"

"Just that gross. Worse than anything you've seen and I know you've seen more than your fair share of gross."

"That's true." Sara decided not to argue since she was moving on anyway. She only hoped Gil would go with her. The flames died down and the two ghosts left.

Gil woke with the alarm clock and only rinsed off so some of Sara's scent would tickle his nostrils for a while longer. He saw the note reminding him that she had to work and would see him later. He smiled and headed out the door.


	21. Chapter 21

(This is a fairly long chapter, but I felt that it all needed to be together.)

At the scene, he felt uneasy and checked over his shoulder several times. It was justified as the suspect returned to the scene and shot him twice before running out the back door. Catherine came running in.

"GIL!!" She knelt next to him and put pressure on the two wounds while screaming for help. She noticed he was focused on something and wasn't responding to her touch.

Grissom felt no pain; all he saw was Sara. She smiled at him and he smiled softly back at her.

"Sara." It came out choked on blood.

"Hello Gil." Catherine was now looking where he was and saw nothing.

"You know why I'm here, don't you?"

"You're here for me." Sara nodded and held out her hand. Grissom broke his gaze from Sara to look at Catherine.

"Sara's here for me. Goodbye Catherine. Call Jim."

"NO!! GIL, YOU STAY WITH ME!! DO YOU HEAR ME?!" Grissom reached out a hand to latch onto Sara's outstretched hand and then it fell limply at his side. Catherine was still screaming for help and now sobbing over his body. Grissom and Sara stood side by side in silence for a few minutes so Gil could get his new bearings. They saw help finally arrive and then watched David take his body away as well. Sara pulled him along. He knew where they were going, but he was surprised at how fast they got there. His body wasn't due to arrive for another thirty minutes. Sara turned to him.

"I was your assignment tonight, wasn't I?"

"Yes. Jeff told me last night. I'm your guide, and this is your one chance to set anything in order at your place before we are hands off."

"I changed my will after you died, so I think I'm good. … Oh, wait, your journal."

"Done. I burned it this evening when you fell asleep."

"Damn, I wasn't done reading it either."

"I'm sorry." She told him and then forced him to look at her. She had more to say.

"I can tell you everything now. When I died, my deal was that I could stay near you until you died. After your funeral, I have to move on. Whether you join me or take over my job is up to you."

"I'll go with you." Sara smiled.

"I was hoping you'd say that."

"So, do I get to meet Jeff?"

"If you want. He's my uncle. Jeff was my lifeline through my childhood. He knew what was going on in my house and tried to stop it. When my father died, he fought hard to get custody of me, but the state wouldn't put me in the hands of a man who was still single. He's still here because his case remains unsolved. He was shot just like you."

"Oh."

"So, how's it feel to be shot?"

"Hurts like hell." Gil unconsciously rubbed the area of his chest that took the bullet. Sara took his hand.

"I love you and this afternoon was amazing."

"I agree and I love you too." He replied and leaned in to kiss her.

Fifteen minutes later, David wheeled his body into the morgue.

"Want to go watch your autopsy? It's so weird to see it done on yourself."

"Sure." They entered the morgue hearing Al greeting his friend Jerry that had done Sara's autopsy. Once Jerry was ready to go, Al left the room and stood outside the door. Jerry began to talk into his recorder.

"Victim is Dr. Gilbert J. Grissom; case number…"

"What's the J stand for?" Sara interrupted.

"James, now shush."

"…gun shot wound sustained to the chest with a fatal blow to the heart. No marks on his body indicating defensive action taken. Evidence of a recent sexual encounter; sample taken and will be sent to DNA…." Sara looked incredulously at him but said nothing for the time being. Gil had the decency to look sheepish.

"Bullet one recovered in the stomach and bullet two from the left ventricle. The bullet in the heart was the second shot due to the trajectory and it punctured the aorta as well causing massive internal bleeding. Deceased was in good shape and its interesting to note that a tumor was present on his prostate. A sample will be taken to see if it was cancerous."

"It was." Sara told him quietly.

"What?" He turned his full attention to her and ignored his autopsy.

"Jeff told me that if you didn't kill yourself, you would have been dead within the year because your cancer was just as aggressive as mine was. You may want to look at being shot as good fortune because the cancer treatments are no fun."

"Why didn't you tell me any of this before?" He was angry and she knew it.

"If I had told you or broken any of my rules, I would have been sent on without any warning. I wouldn't have been able to say goodbye. You were my unfinished business. I had to make sure you didn't kill yourself so that we could continue to meet and fall in love in all of our future lives. Jeff told me that we have found each other three times before and that the chances of finding your one true match are 1/1,000,000. I couldn't say anything. I wanted to, believe me I did." Sara turned away to hide her tears. Gil's anger faded quickly and he pulled her into his arms.

"I'm sorry for getting angry with you."

"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you everything."

"You're forgiven if I am." She nodded in answer.

"Should we go to DNA, I really want to be there when Wendy reads the results." He pulled her hand to the appropriate lab and his smile matched hers. While they waited, she questioned him.

"Ok, so why is it that you didn't shower before work tonight?"

"I did; I just didn't do a good job. I wanted to keep your scent on me for as long as I could. I wasn't planning to die." She smiled.

"That's so sweet. Weird, but sweet." Just then, the machine beeped out a result. Wendy pulled the paper from the machine and after looking at the answer, fainted. Sara and Gil couldn't stop the laughter. Catherine came rushing in when she heard the thud. It was lucky that she was walking by.

"Wendy what happened?" Catherine asked after Wendy regained consiousness.

"I got the results from the vaginal fluid found on Grissom. It came back Sara Sidle." Catherine wore a look of complete disbelief and paged Nick, Greg, and Warrick to the DNA lab. She found the sheet of paper Wendy had dropped and looked at it. Sure enough, it read 'Sara Sidle, deceased' in bold letters. Nick caught her as she too fainted. Wendy explained what happened and Greg left immediately. Curious, Sara and Gil followed him, smirking when he breached the morgue doors.

"Hello Greg, what can I do for you?"

"I need to see Grissom's body."

"Why?"

"The fluid found on him came back as Sara's"

"Sara? As in Sara Sidle, deceased six months ago?"

"One in the same." Greg found the correct drawer and pulled out the body then moving the sheet.

"Whoa. Who knew that Grissom would be packin'?" Greg couldn't stop the comment from escaping.

"Greg, it isn't appropriate to speak of the deceased in that manner." Doc Robbins chastised him.

"I'm sorry Doc, but way to go Grissom."

"GREG!" Doc was quite firm and Greg stopped talking, took the sample and left after putting Grissom back in his drawer. Sara looked over at her beloved.

"Think your inflated ego will fit through the door?"

"I'll manage and I don't remember hearing any complaints from you."

"There weren't any. Come to think of it, I'm kind of glad I'm already dead so I don't have to face the firing squad." They laughed and watched Greg run the sample this time. The entire team sat in the room waiting for the result. Finally the machine beeped and Greg pulled it out of the printer.

"It's the same. Sara Sidle, deceased." He informed them. Catherine had the look of an epiphany.

"You know, right before he died, he said her name and that she was here for him. He told me goodbye and said that Sara was waiting for him. He raised his hand up as if to reach for something and it fell limp at his side a second later." Nick shook his head.

"What are you saying, Catherine? Sara's ghost has been hanging around?"

"Have you got a better explanation? Did you forget how all of the sudden he was in a better mood?" She shot back.

"Maybe he had therapy." Nick weakly added his point knowing exactly what she was going to say next.

"Then how did her fluid get on his body. Mind you, this is a fresh sample." She demanded. Nick could only shrug at this point since he was out of arguments. Catherine looked at the ceiling,

"Gil! Sara! If you can hear me, show yourselves right now!" Sara saw Jeff across the lab and he nodded to her. After making sure that Wendy couldn't see, she picked up a pen. Catherine, Warrick, Greg, and Nick were in amazement when they saw the pen move on its own telling them to go to Grissom's office in Sara's distinctive handwriting. Greg grabbed the note and threw Wendy off.

"Guess they're not coming. We need to find another explanation as to how Sara's fluid got on his body. Thanks for letting me use the lab Wendy." The woman could only nod. Catherine strode up to her.

"Could you not mention anything to anyone. It wouldn't look good for the lab if this got out." Wendy nodded again. It was the only method of communication she was able to use at the moment.


	22. Chapter 22

Soon, the four criminalists were in Grissom's office with both the blinds and the door shut.

"Alright, we're here." Catherine stated the obvious. Seconds later, Sara materialized in front of them. Each one of them pinched themselves to make sure they weren't dreaming. It was weird to see her and see through her at the same time.

"Hi guys. Greg, you didn't screw up. That is my DNA on Grissom's body."

"B—b--but how? You've been dead for the last six months."

"Yes, I know. I can't tell you how. It's irrelevant as is my fluid on his body." She made sure to stand still so they could focus on her. She decided to continue.

"Right before I died, Grissom asked me to wait for him, so I did. I've been watching all of you since and even helped out on a few cases. I can't explain further and I apologize for that."

"So, where's Grissom? Why can't we see him too?"

"Well, for once, I outrank him." She said with a smile and heard a few chuckles in return. She kept going.

"Actually, it's because he's so new that he can only talk to me. My guide bent the rules for me so that I could talk to you because you found fresh DNA belonging to me."

"What do you mean, guide?" Warrick asked.

"A guide is a soul with unfinished business. They help new souls cross over or teach them how to help new souls. My unfinished business was making sure Grissom didn't kill himself and now I am his guide. He has no unfinished business and we are moving on soon. He says hello." The team was speechless for a minute or two but kept their eyes on Sara.

The team saw what they assumed was the essence of Grissom pull Sara into his lap and by the way her hair was moving it looked like he was kissing her neck. Greg was the first to speak, and consequently lighten the mood.

"So, is he good in bed? I only ask because I saw his impressive package." Everyone chuckled at the question.

"We know, we saw you look." Greg blushed and now they chuckled at him.

"But, to answer your question; yes, he is….Ow! What was that for?" Sara was rubbing her transparent backside and turned to look at him.

"Who cares? You're dead!" The gang laughed at her retort to him and the fact that they could bicker even in death. Sara faced the team once again.

"Grissom asked if anyone has called his Aunt Jenine?"

"We did. She's on her way to provide identification." Catherine answered.

"Good. Don't forget that she's deaf, but can read lips. So just make sure she can see you face when you speak to her." She relayed the message for Grissom.

"Did you ever meet her?" Nick asked.

"No, but Grissom says I would have liked her." Sara saw Jeff out of the corner of her eye and then felt herself turn into flesh once again.

"It's time for us to go. I don't need to tell you that this conversation never took place. Give me hugs and I'm so sorry for not telling you about my cancer. I should have let you in on that because you are my family." Each member in turn gave her a big hug to say goodbye to the both of them. Everyone in the room had shed a few tears. Sara turned transparent as she grabbed Gil's hand. They walked away, fading at the same time.

Sara and Gil hung around until after his funeral, where Gil was finally able to meet Jeff. Afterwards, he pushed them on to the next plane of existence together. The gang never once spoke of the few minutes they all shared in Grissom's office again. Catherine rediscovered her late ex-husband Eddie and with Warrick's help was finally able to close his case. Each of their spirit guides had been told what Sara had done at the lab to give them closure, which helped to make transitioning these four people a lot easier. Gil and Sara proved they were meant to be together and were also able to see their past successes at finding each other. The powers that be allowed them to stay together with the promise that they would be closer in age and find each other a lot sooner in life. Only then, (they are both quite stubborn) did Sara and Grissom consent to be reincarnated.

Forward ten years to elementary playground.

"Nice caterpillar."

"Thanks. What's your name?"

"Sara. I just moved here. What's yours?"

"Gil. Want to hold it?"

"No. Do you want some of my chips?"

"Yes."

The End

GSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSR

A/N: I just want to thank everyone out there for sticking with the story through all of the sadness and for the reviews. I was overwhlemed by the passionate responses you have all had at one point or another. Due to the sensitive material I wrote about; I know it was a hard one to read. My heart goes out to all of you that have had to experience it. Thank you to Wanda for being my beta, you did a great job. I will post a new story soon and I promise it won't be so depressing. :) It will probably be down right laughable compared to this one and the other one I have up.


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